[Note: For previous blogs relating/leading to this post, head over to TTC Journey :)]

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Bare with me if I'm all over the place. I still don't know how to wrap my head around this news but earlier this morning at around 3:30 am I woke up because I was feeling so nauseous and I thought it was another tummy bug (I had to go to the ER a month ago for a tummy flu), so I thought "Crap! Here I go again!" I laid in bed for another 10 minutes before finally getting up to rush to the bathroom, but when I go to the sink nothing came out. I was just gagging. So I was a little frustrated because I still felt sick. Then I suddenly had to pee. BUT! Before I peed, I said "something doesn't feel right, let me just take a pregnancy test." So I grabbed the ones I recently bought, and peed on it, and just like any other time I pee one of these things, I left it there and assumed it'd be negative. When I looked down after I peed, there was only one line. I knew it would be, so just like any other time, I pick it up to throw it away. But something inside me told me to wait a little longer. So I put it back down and sat on the toilet and waited. A minute later and there was still nothing, or so I thought. I picked it up and was shocked at what I saw. A SECOND LINE!! A faint one, but it was there!! At first I thought maybe its just my eyes messing with me because I was still somewhat half asleep. I stared at it for a good minute, in shock, before tears slowly started to fall. I panicked a little. I remembered the first time I found out I was pregnant 3 years ago, my entire life flashed before me. That didn't happen this time, it was a delayed reaction. I put the test down, got up to wash my hands and as I was washing my hands, I heard John tossing and turning on the bed and I froze! I saw him peek his head over the blanket to see what I was doing, but quickly went back to bed. Whew! You see, for the past 3 years, I had planned out how I wanted to tell him. So as much as I wanted to break the news to him at that minute, I resisted. It was hard. Heck, I still couldn't believe it myself. It has only been a month since my laparascopy to remove polyps and endo, as well as check that my tubes were fine (read about it on the blog link above). All the results to that surgery came out good, obviously! Ha!

So I decided to hide the test in the cabinet under my side of the sink and hoping John wouldn't need anything from there. I went back to bed a little shaken and John held me and ask if I was okay, to which I replied "Yeah, I just feel a little sick I think it was your Bao!" and then giggled. He whispered, it can't be cuz I feel fine. So he drifted back to sleep as I tried my hardest to fall back asleep. I mean, how can I go back to sleep after that?! John had to get up an hour later (and yes, I was still up!) It was 4:45 am when John got up to get ready for work. It was perfect because it gave me the entire day to think about all of this and what my plan was gonna be. I think I drifted off to sleep around 6:00 am before getting up at 8:30am. I had to pee really bad. So to make sure I wasnt just dreaming about the test, I grabbed another test (different brand) and peed again. Good thing I stocked up on tests! lol! Before I could even finish peeing, that test turned positive. And I about lost it in the bathroom, cuz instead of just a little cry, I was bawling! I first prayed and Thanked God! Then got up to wash my hands, then do my morning routines. I got ready for church, and for the first time, I got there 15 minutes before the actual mass started! It was perfect cuz they were doing the rosary. I sat there and prayed and thanked him for the most wonderful blessing. We have prayed about it for the past 3 years (since my miscarry), and its finally here. I was filled with so much joy and emotion. I cried in church. 

I decided to head to commissary to get groceries because I knew I was gonna need to stock up on food and snacks and crackers. I also went to Navy Exchange to buy my own Hydroflask so I can have cold water at all times. John has one and i love that thing! Expensive, but worth it! Anyway,  as I was driving there, I put on 'A Thousand Years (Part 2)' by Christina Perri and I couldnt control the tears. Oh my goodness! I cried throughout the entire song!! I always said that if we ever get pregnant again, this was gonna be the song Id listen to. 'A thousand years' is how long it feels like we've been waiting for this miracle. My favorite part now is 'All along I believed I would find you, Time has brought your hear to me, I have loved you for a thousand years.' I know, this is more of a wedding song, but it just fit. I listened to it a couple of more times after that and still cried. What a baby I was!

After my trip to nex and commissary, I went home cuz I was so tired I couldnt keep my eyes open. I took a quick nap before doing house chores. Then I went about my regular routine before heading up stairs to get ready for bed. I sat in bed trying to think of ideas for John's surprise. There were so many possible ways I was getting tired just thinking about it. So now Im here writing this post. Forgive if there are a lot of errors and what not because my heads kind of all over the place at the moment!

The best is yet to come.

xo,

Jenn